I just had an odd thought. I was reading someone talking about having regained some weight and knowing what to do to get back to goal. Reading that made something click for me. As I’ve posted here, I gained some weight during November and at my weigh in the first Saturday in December I was up to 145.6 pounds, which is 5.8 pounds above my low weight since I got back to goal. Now, I was still below my official goal weight of 146 pounds, but given my tummy tuck I didn’t really need to be gaining that (my new baseline after the tummy tuck was 140 pounds).
But, I was surprisingly cheerful as I started to work on getting back to where I was in August (139.8 pounds). This was something I know how to do. I’ve lost that weight before. I know how to do it. This is a comforting feeling. I am reassured that I know how to do this.
Now, when I get back to 139.8 pounds, it becomes more difficult. Maintaining the same weight with neither gaining nor losing is more difficult. Yes, I’ve been at my Weight Watchers goal for a year and a half so I have maintained. But, there has been some up and down to it. I lose a few pounds, then gain up to close to my goal weight, then I lose back down. Then, I gain again and so on. That up and down pattern is one I understand and can handle.
But, the fact is that I really want to be a bit lower in weight. I knew I couldn’t really settle on a goal weight until after I had surgery. Having done that I think I will want to settle at somewhere between 130 and 135 pounds. I think I would like 130 pounds from an appearance standpoint, but I’m not sure that is sustainable. I’ll see though if and when I get there.
The thing is that going below 139.8 pounds will also be more difficult for me. Theoretically losing 5 pounds to get to 139.8 pounds is no different than losing 5 pounds to get to 134.8 pounds. In reality, I know I can do the first one, I’m not sure I can do the second one. That is because I haven’t done it before. (Well, I have — I once got down to below 120 pounds — but that was over 25 years ago).
When I gain a few pounds, I have utter confidence that I can get back to where I was. I know I can do it and I feel calm and reassured. Once I get back to a low weight, though, it becomes more challenging to either stay there or lose more.
The lesson to be learned? Don’t be seduced by that feeling of reassurance. Don’t go for the easy win. It would be easy to spend year years losing and regaining the same 5 pounds. That is better, of course, than gaining 5 pounds, then another 5, and then another and so on. But, it is still a bit of a cop out if this behavior keeps me at a weight that isn’t my actual goal.